It's not a stretch to say dealings between United and Real have not always progressed smoothly, so you'd expect that to be one for 31 August. Tuck it away in your back pocket and gorge, instead, on Chelsea's masterplan to snare all three of Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Ross Barkley and Alex Sandro. They'll have to fight Liverpool for the wacky old Ox, while Tottenham might yet move for Barkley. Those two are part of a plan to up the quota of Englishness at Stamford Bridge, apparently, but if part of it doesn't work out they can always have a dig at transfer window stalwart Renato Sanches.
None of them are likely to be playing alongside Diego Costa, who is the latest star name to be targeted by Milan's they-can't-really-afford-this-can-they revolution. He's still willing to sit it out and play for Atlético Madrid when their transfer ban expires, but Milan have asked the question to his agent Jorge Mendes, who presumably is more focused on securing Costa's move to Wolves. That's all OK, anyway, because Chelsea still want Fernando Llorente onboard as their backup striker.
Another favourite from this summer is Naby Keïta, who has presumably completed all the attractions of up-and-coming hipster paradise Leipzig because he remains hellbent on a move to Liverpool, who are ready to have one final go at getting him out of his personal hell. This will only end one way, rendering miles of print and days of diligent journalistic labour mere stardust.
In other interminable sagas, Ronald Koeman remains desperate for Everton to get their cut-price £45m bid for Gylfi Sigurdsson over the line while Arsenal, by happy coincidence, are back in for Monaco's Thomas Lemar with a bid of exactly the same sum.
Premier League new boys Brighton could be about to make a big move for Leicester winger Tom Lawrence, who impressed on loan with Ipswich last season and appears to have no future under Craig Shakespeare even if Riyad Mahrez gets a move to Roma.
Finally, remember that big-name Billericay Town signing revealed in yesterday's Mill? It's Jermaine Pennant. He's said to have picked them ahead of Hibs.
